Quiet Rules When It Comes to Supporting Your Team

It turns out that indirect quiet concern works better than a direct "fix-it" approach does. If you're a manager, you may want to "support your team ... quietly".  So, when Joe gets it wrong, rather than saying, "How can I help?", it can be more productive, for example, to note in a matter-of-fact manner an approach that's worked for you and/or to offer positive feedback on some aspect of Joe's performance.

If you're an introvert, you've got the quiet part down pat. Your approach is quiet for sure, but is it indirect or directive?  Research suggests that the more indirectly supportive manager is likely to show better results.

If your go-to approach is direct when you're providing guidance or feedback to a team member, you'll want to consider changing that habit - which - like any habit - can be difficult to break.  It's not every managers' natural inclination to be indirect because, as a take charge go-getter, you likely aspired to management in the first place. What this means is that you may be fighting your natural inclination to take charge and offer help rather than offering quiet support. Further, as an introvert who naturally doesn't seek out group situations, it could be easiest for you to be direct and just get that interaction over with.

When it comes to teams, apparently quiet rules in more ways than one. And, for at least some of us quiet types, it could require some effort to be as quiet as we'd truly like to be. 

The Introvert's Trade-off

Have you ever had to make the career choice between meaningful work or making money? One of my favorite themes is about finding meaning because meaning is a source of motivation. If we resonate with a purpose, it's like a carrot in front of our nose - leading us to achieve great things that are aligned with our deepest selves. So, paying attention to what matters - matters!

Despite its (often great) difficulty to implement, this message is much like the one I have for quiet professionals who may be introverts or just shy people. That is, don't accept the dilemma of either surmounting a false front by pretending to be outgoing to achieve career success or retiring to a dark corner where the best achievements are elusive. Instead, learn how to take charge and, from that position of strength, just try being yourself - deliberately and quietly in control.

A lot of the time, personal meaning is created by simply taking on the false trade-off itself.

 
  Making the Choice Between Money and Meaning

Energetic = Extroverted?

A great, thought provoking polemic last week suggests that the word "energetic" in job descriptions is a concealed means of discriminating applicants on the basis of age. After all, the young always have boundless energy, don't they?  (Well, not always, but never mind.)  No doubt it does often reflect that inaccurate stereotype of older workers - we Americans live in a youth obsessed culture, after all.

I have long suspected that such words as energetic and outgoing instead are often code for  "extroverted". When I ran an informal search on a major job posting site, it produced more than 1,000 job ads that contained the word "outgoing" and less than 300 ads with the word "quiet".  Of course I didn't read all those ads to see how they used the words and my quick search was entirely unscientific but the numbers still are suggestive. And yet, more reserved, introverted individuals - introverts - often are great professionals in every way - from their thoughtful focus to their results without lots of supervision to their listening skills to their quiet leadership.  

It's my hope that raising this issue will stimulate more HR staff and hiring managers to explicitly define what they do mean by "high energy", "energetic" and "outgoing" and then - most importantly - come to grips with how they may stereotype individuals (not to mention shortcut their own options) by making such outward characteristics a litmus test.
 
 A Discriminatory Word in Academic Job Descriptions

An Introvert's Approach to Interpersonal Skills for Career Success

If you're a quiet person, introvert or shy, you've no doubt been told at one time or another to be more outgoing. Or to develop your interpersonal skills. I'm not certain that introverts lack interpersonal skills so much as they don't choose to engage, but that's a tangent for another day. I do know though that most people's professional life is filled with other people and it's critical to get along with them if you want to do well, much less advance in your career.

The question for introverts is: how can we do well interpersonally without being an outgoing social butterfly?  A post from The Legacy Project at Cornell University offers a great example of how to employ your introverted strengths to the interpersonal. I don't know if the engineer in the post is an introvert - it doesn't say - but the technique he used to build bridges among the teams in his company is one  right out of an introvert's best playbook.

Did he use charm and persuasion?  Well, maybe but that's not what he talks about. Instead, Jack recounts the story of how he used his analytical ability to lay out all the facets of a problem situation, listening hard to each of the different factions in the company who were in conflict -- field, technical, quality, manufacturing.  His tenacious analytical approach brought them together to solve the problem successfully. His key principle for having great people skills: be humble.  In addition to listening and careful analysis -- introvert strong suits -- Jack found that open willingness to learn from others leads to success. 

Jack's problem solving - not his gregariousness - demonstrated his interpersonal skillfulness! His way modeled an  introvert's approach -- paying attention to technical details, careful listening, and an inquiring mind. For Jack, these people skills were the number one factor in his career success.

Jack's lesson for those of us who are quiet is that people skills don't equate to being outgoing. Instead you often can apply your own strengths to the interpersonal dimension of work. I like that a lot!

An Introvert Struggles with Self-Promotion: Lessons Learned

 By Guest Blogger Sara van Dyck

 

Last year I self-published an e-book for children, about a quiet but influential scientist. Research and writing were stimulating - but the prospect of  marketing  intimidated me. So many books out there, so many ads screaming for attention, so much drama. How could I compete?

But any publicity was up to me, and that meant  communicating, exposing myself, persuading – all things an introvert has trouble with, even online. So I’d like to share what I learned from one mistake, and one step taken I  hope in the right direction.

When I first tried to attract readers to my book, I sought advice from others. "Spread the word to everybody you know," they recommended. Attract “followers.”  Attend events. Set up speaking engagements. Engage in online “communities.”  I struggled with these but felt I didn’t fit in.  I felt surrounded by too much action, too many people - as though I were playing a guitar and somehow wandered into a marching band.

So my first lesson was to “Claim your  identity,” as Shelleman puts it. I needed to use my own style - the analysis, the thoughtfulness, the care for detail that went into my book - as a source of strength in promotion.

So I stepped back and moved more deliberately. I set a few goals, such as getting reviews. I identified people who might understand and appreciate my book, as well as significant colleagues  - what Shelleman might call the stakeholders -  and considered more personal approaches.

Is this paying off? It’s growing. Comments have been positive, and it’s gratifying to feel that people enjoy my book. The next step will be figuring out how to attract likely readers. Especially, I hope, children who may find encouragement to follow their inner dreams.

Note:  Sara van Dyck is author of a delightful book that I recently reviewed.  If there is a child in your life, you should check it out:  "The Boy Who Loved Ants: Edward O. Wilson". 
For more information, see http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/90845
About Sara: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/svandyck

Your quiet power in meetings, part 4

In this series, I've discussed why what you say matters (part 1), agendas (part 2), and participants (part 3).  Let's put some of this together and think about how you want to interact in the meeting.  

It's often hard for a quiet person (introvert or shy) to get a word in edgewise.** And you may not want to say a lot, anyway.  Part of the strategy of being prepared is knowing that though you may not say much, what you do say should make a good impression.  Quality generally wins in the end.

Body language is important.  You will be more visible if you sit beside the person leading the meeting (if it's not you!).  Make eye contact with others and try not to look bored.  Lean forward ever so slightly if need be to show interest in what others have to say.  Doodling and keeping downcast eyes will only make you more invisible!  Follow the conversation.  Taking notes is helpful.  It gives you something to do and lets others know you are engaged -- important for those who don't say much.  

Know the topics, and if need be, research their history so that your contributions to the discussion will be informed. Before the meeting, plan a couple of comments that you might make about these issues.  If you are prepared and have something to say, you often will find an appropriate time to interject. And what I have found is that even if I don't say what I planned, my advance research gave me different ideas that I found relevant to bring up anyway.  Sometimes it can make you more visible to simply clearly note your agreement with the points made by someone else or to compliment them on a creative approach.  But you must do so with assertiveness and clarity rather than timidly.

What is important is to be positive, to be engaged, and to use your quiet way to provide substantive, coherent input when you can do so. Remember that it is your quiet competence that will "win" in the end - not trying to be witty or to say a lot.   

For a future post:  One of the core topics in my book is the unwritten rules of workplace interactions (Chapter 19).  Do you ever need to interrupt others to be heard?  What has been your experience with this? 

** Note: Though both shy and introverted people may experience this, those who are shy often struggle more with the best way to cope and face additional issues that I don't talk about here.

All Rights Reserved. May not be reproduced without permission. 

Hate Your Job?

A recent article in the New York Times focused on surviving a job you hate - a tough issue in a down economy where it's often not easy to change positions.  It offered tips that include concentrating on learning new skills, talking to your supervisor, or finding satisfaction in other areas of your life. 

What's the introvert angle?  Fit comes first.  Though the article does not address personality fit - much less introversion - having an introvert-unfriendly job is no fun. If fit is the problem, it's almost always better to move on and try not to make the same mistake twice - though that's easier said than done in a tight job market. Beyond a simple fit issue though, introverts can be especially frustrated when surrounded by expectations to be more outgoing or when they have an extroverted boss who doesn't understand their need for quiet time. Among those available that I cover in my book, a strategy that an introvert can pursue is to figure out how to make your current job more amenable to your introverted tendencies, for example, by carving out some private time each day that helps to conserve your energy (and sanity!). Another strategy can be to learn to communicate with the boss by studying her/his style and tailoring how you approach him or her so that your needs will be more likely to be heard.

Survival Skills for a Job You Detest

Your quiet power in meetings, part 3

In this series about meeting survival for quiet types, I've covered the need for your input (yes, you've got a lot to offer) and the importance of agendas.  Another important issue is who else is attending.  

Individuals in the workplace have different training, personalities, and goals - as you know.  What these usually mean of course is that politics emerge as people seek to further their own interests.  The extent and the nastiness of political behavior varies widely by both the organization itself and from person to person. 

But because more introverted types don't think so well on our feet and often need extra time to reflect, we can easily step into a political minefield if we aren't prepared for conflict or veiled power plays that might emerge in a meeting. 

Knowing who will attend allows us to be aware of possible personal agendas. Understanding who and what the power dynamics are likely to be in the session can make a big difference in our ability to be prepared in advance so that we don't inadvertently say something we later regret or make a voting misstep. I was once blindsided (read:  unprepared) by the political agendas in a meeting and voted when I should have rightfully abstained!  Lesson learned that day, for sure. 

So, in addition to ferreting out the formal agenda before a meeting (Your quiet power in meetings, part 2), spend some time scouting out who else is invited.  This information is often publicized with the meeting notice. Then - and this is the important part - make sure that you - quiet, shy, or introverted - spend some time considering the players in light of the agenda:  what are likely to be their biases and how could you be drawn into conflicts?  What is your position?  What do you want to say?

Adapted from The Introvert's Guide to Professional Success,  Chapter 18:  Do Your Research.  All Rights Reserved. 

Your Quiet Power in Meetings, part 2

Meetings are sometimes the bane of an introvert!  You can exert control though by doing some advance preparation.

As you know, formal meetings often have agendas, written or not.  Some meeting facilitators (is this your boss or colleague?) are either too scattered or oblivious or inconsiderate to share the agenda in advance.  

It is usually important for you, an introvert, though to discover beforehand what you can about what will be discussed to prepare yourself.  Why?  Because you are quiet, you need to be seen somehow, and you tend to be less spontaneous than an extrovert.  (An introverted exec told me simply, "I feel invisible in meetings.")  We introverts need processing time.  Being slammed with a topic and asked to talk about it with no advance warning can mean that we're not prepared with our best input and ideas.

Your strategy then is to try and get your hands on an agenda. Here's what I do.  Ask for one.  If there is none, then spend a few minutes considering what might be on docket. This is often not difficult if you know the parties involved and are keeping up with office events.  If you're really stuck, then quietly ask around if others know what will be discussed and why. I call this "scouting" for information.

With either an agenda or a best guess, your next step is to take time to think about what you might say in the meeting. In a future post, I'll share more about what you an introvert can do to plan what you'll say.  

Readers, what zany or subversive tactics have you employed to get your hands on an agenda before your meeting?  Post a comment here with your best experiences.

Adapted from The Introvert's Guide to Professional Success,  Chapter 18:  Do Your Research.  All Rights Reserved.

Your quiet power in meetings, part 1

You know that you have a lot to offer even if you're quiet. But it's often hard for quiet types to leap into a dialogue when we're competing for floor time with more spontaneous extroverts. Introverts need time to ponder before entering into discussions and, if we're shy even though not introverted, it may simply be challenging to jump in. 

The first thing an introvert or shy person can do is to realize that good consensus decision-making requires your input. I once made the mistake in a start-up team meeting of thinking that my colleague who seemed most confident - his name was Chris - actually knew what he was talking about.  Ha!  He did not. Chris was a great guy - handsome too - but he definitely had more confidence than knowledge.

Lesson?  I let my team down by clamming up. Our results were inferior and that's nothing to brag about. Had I spoken up, my team might have done much better in the first meeting.  Lesson learned: clamming up lets the team down, not just me.

So take your quiet power.  Your input matters.  You bring a thoughtfulness to teams that may otherwise be lacking.  In a future series of posts, I'll talk about some more strategies - beyond mindset - you an introvert can employ to navigate - without being like the extroverts around you.

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Missing the point about introverts

An op-ed piece in the New York Times recently spoke about how introverted ways are ignored in the face of our current cultural emphasis on teams and collaboration.  Creativity and innovation often thrive when those of us who are more introverted have more time alone.

This fits with my recommendation to readers of my book that they take time to reflect before being forced by the extroverted culture to make snap decisions and pronouncements. The introverted temperament needs a tad more time because our brains can be overwhelmed by stimuli. We can then take our insights to our teams where team brainstorming can magnify the gains even further; unlike the op-ed article, I'm not ready to "throw out the baby with the bathwater" given the powerful evidence on the benefits of teams for innovation.

The opinion piece misses the point altogether though when it recounts a classroom where students were "forbidden to ask a question" unless everyone on their team had the identical question. At face value, this sounds outrageous and as a polemic in an op-ed article, it's pretty effective.  But as someone who specializes in introversion and introverts in the professional workplace and has been a college-level educator for many years, I am certain that such a policy by the instructor has been taken out of context. Here's why. If we think for just a moment, we can quickly realize that the teacher likely was not requiring that all students begin with the same question.  No, he or she was more likely simply mandating that before students brought the question to the teacher, that they have asked the question of their peers and sought the answer on their own.  Then, and only then, if no one on the team has the answer, then the question might be posed as a team question to the teacher. 

The paradox is that such a procedure does not disadvantage introverts, as the op-ed implies, but instead it helps introverts, and here's why that is so. The policy first of all teaches all students to take initiative and seek out information, a goal of all good education. Beyond that, it requires extroverts, who are normally first to raise their hands, to learn self-restraint (a bonus to them) and it lessens the chance that more extroverted children will hog all the attention as so often happens in classrooms. This is the first benefit to introverts because they will not have to "compete" as much for floor time.

The policy also requires that more introverted or shy children learn to formulate their thoughts and communicate their question to their peers.  This is a second benefit to introverts who often shy away from interactions, teaching them valuable interpersonal skills which tend to come more naturally to outgoing kids. A third benefit to introverts is that it allows them to engage in one-on-one communication with other members of their team, a strength since most introverts prefer one-on-one and small groups to large groups. This policy minimizes the number of times that a shy child might be expected to ask a question in front of the entire class, which I know full well means that it often does not get asked at all.

So, the example taken out of context to suggest that introverts are disadvantaged by teams in fact misconstrues a subtle classroom strategy that actually benefits both extroverts and introverts alike -- but it especially benefits those who are more introverted. 

Here's the takeaway for you.  There is also a larger point for you at work, I believe. It's not the use of a team in itself that is most important, but rather what is most relevant to introverts is how teams are used in the workplace. Are they used to assist introverts in having a greater voice as this setup was - despite the op-ed's naive interpretation - or are they used to simply squeeze out any private reflection?

The Rise of the New Groupthink

Reasons why you clam up in meetings and it's not all introversion

A new report on research from Virginia Tech explains how social dynamics in small groups can cause some people to clam up.  Those who seemed  most sensitive to their performance relative to others were most affected.

Introversion can also play a role because we all know that we need time and space to think and that's often not present in groups. There's no evidence from this article though that the researchers measured the personality trait of introversion so it's quite a leap for the writer to inject it into the conversation. (I have not checked the original research findings yet.) And what that potentially does is confuse the issues in readers' minds.

The article includes tips that are designed for introverts (like many that I offer in my book) but they seem misplaced because they fail to address the issue of oversensitivity to performance that was discovered by the research and the heart of the article. This gives me pause.  Introverts are not "oversensitive to our performance" as a function of being an introvert -- maybe we do that as a result of some other personality disposition but not introversion per se. 

Could this be another case where we will now be lumped into a category (read: stereotyped) - called "performance sensitive" - that has nothing really to do with introversion?

WSJ: Speaking up is hard to do

I want to be known as the Quiet one

Henceforth, I will be known as the Quiet one.  Flash, glitz, and noise are just not my thing.

The problem, of course, is that I have to use the Internet to make myself known to serious people in professions who are my potential clients and readers.  Web advertising!  Humbug.  Where everyone is above average, like all the kids in Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon! If we believe the Web write-ups for all the coaches and consultants out there, each and every one has packed a lifetime into a decade – or less.  They’re mostly young and glamorous-looking but have been CEOs, entrepreneurs, investors, gurus, and presumably much much more.  Fortune 100, high tech, owners of gazillion dollar companies, written up in Fast Company, articles in the New York Times, etc. etc.   I ask myself:  Can this be true?  Really?  No exaggeration?  Then -- where did they find the time to do all that?  

I am especially amazed at the ones claiming that they are Introverts.  Really?   You did all that yet you love being alone?  You “live in your inner world” yet you managed all that publicity and interaction and rocking the world?  Honest?   Honest?  

My credibility is strained.

Then there’s social media.  Okay, I get it that Introverts are pretty good on the computer – alone in our jammies.  But all those Facebook friends assuredly don’t come out of nowhere.  The Twitter feeds, the thises and the that’s of social media require hours and hours of interaction, albeit virtual.  Don’t you ever get weary of talk like I do?  All the hype for what is newest and funniest and catchiest? What has the most attitude?  

It’s definitely not my thing. 

Maybe that’s because I’m interested in the world of practical ideas. How to make the world a better place.  How to make peoples' lives better.  New discoveries. How to make work work for quieter people.

I’m also into understanding the big trends that shape our lives.  Like how globalization and technology are changing the nature of professions in our culture – often taking away autonomy such as when the insurance company suits tell docs how to practice medicine.  Someone with an MBA or a bachelor’s degree in insurance is coming between my primary care physician and me?   Truly frightening and so different than what we bought into when we decided to go to professional school!  (Nothing wrong with MBAs mind you - I teach them and many of my friends have one. There are some really great professionals with an MBA.) Not just physicians replaced by suits and computers, but lawyers  replaced by software.  Professors replaced by minimum wage adjuncts moonlighting so that there are more full-time jobs with bennies for administrators.  K-12 educators who are the catch-all repository for every excuse under the sun made by disengaged parents and timid politicians.  Prudent engineering advice ignored in favor of cost cutting or simply meeting a target on a path of blind escalating commitment.  

Sea changes in the world of professional work.  Those are the issues that capture my quieter moments.  Like figuring out how introversion can be made whole again in a culture captured by Extroversion with a capital E.   

Glitz.  Noise.  Flash!   

Humbug, I say!

I want to be the most remarkable, Quiet one ever.  Not much glitz, flash, or noise but Remarkable in what counts:  Preparation.  Experience.  Substance.  Knowledge.  Thoughtfulness.  Caring, Confidential and Quiet!  From big picture to minor details.  Holding hands to holding court while you rant (as I am at the moment).  I know the questions to ask even when you are the only soul who could possibly know your answers. 

 

I am a professional by training and by work in organizations that do professional work.  This is why I studied how professional knowledge workers are unique -- so that my training would complement my experience.  For the past two decades, I have been teaching these concepts to the folks whose flash and glitz supports their claims. 

 

I live the issues I write about and work on.  It’s that simple.  That’s why I chose to write, mentor, and consult. I know the issues, the questions to ask, and a good many of the answers.  

But I won’t be shouting that from the rooftops.  It’s not an Introvert thing.